in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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