Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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