when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
