i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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