Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
