Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
