i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
