They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
