Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
