You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
