Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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