I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
