i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
