remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
