i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
