he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
