Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
