What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
