As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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