i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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