I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
