So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
