grandma shit on top of the toilet
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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