dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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