I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you bring me the toilet please
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
