So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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