He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
birth control should be required to get into college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
