I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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