No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
