I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
