whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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