meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
