i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
