I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
