How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
