Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
