By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
