You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
