Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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