let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
