Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
