If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
