: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
