Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
