I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
