Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
