Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
