I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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