made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
