bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
